all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
