I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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