I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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