you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
