did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
