i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
