dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
