Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
