Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
