i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
