He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
