I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i need some magic done to my vagina
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
