Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
