So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
