he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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