If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
