Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
