There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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