Moan for me like Helen Keller
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
