If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Let's get the cat blown out
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