I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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