I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
