I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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