I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
