I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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