I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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