he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
