im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
