I wanna passion pit in your ass
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
