hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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