the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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