at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
