i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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