He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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