I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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