Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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