dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
