She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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