oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
