She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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