nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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