Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
and i looked up. we had an audience...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
