Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
