the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
