why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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