I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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