Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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