then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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