And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
