i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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