Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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